You can’t really have it all. You can never have a perfect life; there would always be ups and downs in every page of the story. I don’t know if I should be thankful for what’s happening in the present, if this is really what I want.

So yeah, I am living the dream of my parents supporting me to go to medical school which is way difficult to invest with because you will never know if you will finish the road on time or if you will not finish the road at all. I invested my heart and soul towards the idea of becoming a healthcare provider. I struggled years to have this dream, but why is it that I still am searching for something missing?

A lot of times, I think because I just got out of a terrible relationship. Maybe I need more time healing. I want this; I want to fulfill my dream. I need to start telling myself what my priorities are and that love can wait. There is sunshine on the other side; I just need to get there.

Other side, please wait for me.

Chef Neil

There's this guy. Piercings and tattoos everywhere. Rap and metal is his kind of genre. Smokes packs and drinks cups of coffee everyday. Liquor is his kind of night but what he does doesn't define the kind of person he is; it doesnt define his heart from the way my eyes had knew him.

He loves to play with the spices thus creates magic through the taste and aroma he makes. He holds the knife to make the perfect slices, too precise to fit on the pearl of white plate to be served on hungry tongues. He is the master chef. Cooks for everyone who wants to replace their frowns in an opposite diameter.

Metal is sometimes changed with strumming and humming. Lullabies caught him. Soft, sweet and gentle sound that flows in his voice box, melodies of past, present and the undetermined future. He never showed anyone this side of the story, he never sought attention; he loves what the audience assume of what he is: metal, the genre which releases stress as he described.

Judgement is his enemy. But these enemies won't stand the way he carries his self, because he believes in the power of love. Love had disappointed him a hundred of times, even pulled him in circumstances that where close to threaten his life, but he never gave up on love. And there he goes, still proving the world that love is something worth fighting for. But he's fighting for something that he can't have. Maybe next time. Sorry, but there's no "us" and there will never be even in the future.

What am I doing

What am i doing with life right now?

Where am i?

Where am i supposed to be?

What should i be doing?

Whom should i be with?

When will i see the shiniest part of the world?

It's quite a blur. Everything seems unfamiliar. It's like running through a forest without a map or a compass, no direction perhaps. Maybe there would be days that are just a phase in the what so called life, and maybe there would come a time where in the questions would be answered. 

Where am I?

You know how sad your life is when the only thing that keeps you awake is coffee. The only thing that keeps you calm and creative is smoking a cigarette. The only person you cook for is your self. The amount of money you have in your wallet is 200 pesos to be spent on cigarettes that will make you at peace with your self.

I don't know where I am right now. I'm still figuring out how to solve and pick up the puzzle I ruined. I should be stressed with nothing but I have this feeling that there is something coming and I'm not ready to face it.

I don't even know if I'm pregnant or not. I don't even know if my boyfriend loves me. I don't even know if there would be people who would still love me in spite all the things I've done.

I'm desperate to feel comfort because a terrible wind strucked my home in which I'm having a hard time fixing. And of course I need God, but I don't know how to come back.

Screaming internally for help. Anyone? Please. I need help.

You manipulate them by not caring at all. Because sometimes, things are better when you dont care about it.

I hate you. I hate all of you. I have this feeling that no one likes me except for that one person that thinks im attractive. I hate my life. I am alone. Im better off with no one. I am independent.

NEVER RECYCLE WASTE PRODUCTS

Minsan, ang kaya mo na lang gawin e umiyak. Ngayon ko lang naranasan na magmahal ng tunay. Masakit pala lalo na kung ayaw mo, pero mahal mo. Tinitiis, kinakaya na lang lahat ng hirap. 

May sakit ako ngayon... Buti pa ate ko nababanggit niya, pero yung pinakainaasahan kong magaalala sa akin binabalewala ako. Di niya man alam pero sentro na siya lagi ng usapan. Di ko alam kung saan pupuwesto. Kahit siguro sabihin ko man na hindi ko na kaya gumalaw, magbabanggit siya na mas nakakaramdam siya, mas andun siya sa kalagayan na yun kesa sa akin at babalewalain na lamang ako. Nakakalungkot man isipin na yung sobrang inaalagaan mong tao, hindi magawa yung parehong bagay sayo. Ang hirap magkasakit, ang hirap magdamdam, at sng hirap masaktan kung wala man siyang pakialam sa nararamdaman mo.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Kapag mahal mo possible ang lahat. Sana nga makayanan ko ito. Ako man ay inaapoy na sa lagnat, pinipiga na ang ulo sa sobrang sakit, kumakahol na ng parang aso, sumisinghot ng paulit ulit, at nasasaktan na ng lubusan, andito pa din ako lumalaban.

PS: huwag na huwag magrerecycle ng mga natapon na. Dahil una pa lang, kaya mo tinapon yun, kasi basura na yun. Kung ano ang basura, basura pa din yun.

How do you unlove someone?

The biggest question is "How do I unlove you, when everything about you is unlovable?"

Nahihirapan ako..

Sobrang nahihirapan na ako..

Puro na lang problema pagdating sayo. Minsan, di ko na talaga alam gagawin ko. Madalas, nararamdaman kong ayaw sa akin ng mundo mo. Ano na nga ba Angela?

Mahirap pilitin ang ayaw. Kaya wag pilitin.Alam ko namang lilipas din lahat ng ito. Wala namang bagay na hindi kaya pagalingin ng oras, oras lang ang katapat ng lahat ng iyan. Maghintay lang, maging matiyaga sa oras.